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so, after i thought she would never reply, Alex (my friend from Cambridge who manages a pub) messaged me back on facebook saying she would love to have me work there and could fill out a work permit for me. 
and now i find myself at a crossroads, because now I was thinking I was going to stay in California and focus on investigating careers here so wont be a jobless bum when I graduate. in addition, comic con is at the end of july and i was fully planning on buying tickets as SOON as they came out so I could go and perhaps gain a glimpse at the inner workings of the industry/ learn more about how to get involved writing for comics... i feel like this is really important. and ill be 21, so i could easily get a summer job at a bar here.
but going back to england is what I've Been craving. i cannot get it off my mind. Assuming CAN i actually work there (i wouldnt mind getting Paid under the table or whatnot ... but i would still Have to find the money for tickets and planet like 2-3 months worth of a place to stay) ... But There Would what i make events cover the Expense of Actually going / living there? That I imagine working in Britain and earning British pounds Would I earn oodles of money over eleven Converted to U.S. dollars, pero how much i actually Would Be making at the end of the day, considering all the money id likely spend eating / buying clothes and shit i dont need / making trips to london?
what i really wonder is, Which One is Better for me in the long run?
Either way i have made it my goal to WORK this summer-andjust gonna work and dick around There. and if i need to pay so much to Actually Get there Obviously it Would not Be Worth It ... nonetheless, i would love to Further Explore The Possibilities of living in the UK, sincere i fucking loved it so much when i was There. But maybe going for Another Summer Would not Be the best option Either way, sincere id only be there for 2-3 months (and During The Period of the nicest british weather, so my views Are slanted) and it all Would just be paradise over again - But again, Not Necessarily a realistic sample of British life.
But then again, if i stay here / in CA, will i be miserable? ? ? or will it be great like the summer after freshman year?
SIGH i dont know What to do. the UK or California? bartending or comics? i wish i wasninescapable, apparently. i have homework to do but i am overwhelmingly disinterested in the aspects of analyzing literature. fuckkkkk

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to do this school year (inspired by the to-do list on the library wall, except i refuse to include things like "get with sam" or "smoke pot tonight")
-spend less time on facefuck (already failing)
-get bartending license so i have something to do this summer
-only make out/hook up with people i'm really attracted to, and not just because they're THERE (i'm doing well at this already, im ignoring the fact that hunter is down this weekend)
-keep working on chaos project/ novel i started in cambridge (failing...)
-stop pining over cambridge/the desert (sort of getting better at)
-look into eap for next year (?)(?) i have no idea if im actually going to do this. i want to go abroad again but the though

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I, like MOST people I suppose, find myself pining for Constantly fluctuating Between the past and longing for the future. I think of England constantly. And as for the future I think of all the Different jobs I want to try, all the time writing for I Could Be INSTEAD of my comic for class, the way i can earn money INSTEAD of blowing it on school and outrageous rent. In england i felt everyday brand new and very much in the present, I did not look back north was I always Constantly waiting for Something else. I Greatly Miss That state of mind.
Though I really want a car so i feel independent again. Blahblah
back to work.

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ost anything, can UNDERSTAND MOST everything. i just speak it a little shittily.
i keep looking at summer jobs and mapping out Possibilities for Different Things to do as i Tend to do. But summer is so far away and i need to stop moping now, lol.
last week i had sort of a nice Few Days Were I felt really peaceful and hopeful Philosophical and because i read this wonderful short story That made me think of high school and my mindset back then. But nowww. idk. nonfiction is Becoming Such a great class
Though ok back to work 15 minute break is up. Ps